It’s March 11th today. I won’t post this writing for probably a couple of weeks. And, honestly, it’s probably going to take me a couple weeks to write it. One because it’s hard and two because it keeps changing. There are a lot of things happening and it’s going to be a little bit of a whirlwind when it all finally starts to come together, and I might not find time to write this update in the midst of all of it!
Some people may have noticed a trend, between my Facebook, my blog, and another community where I write on occasion, that there are some changes brewing, happening, and coming along.
It’s all true. There are lots of things happening.
Not just, like, around the way moving – I’m moving in a serious way.
It’s okay. It’s taken me a while to get used to saying it, too.
There are a few reasons for this move, but the most important reason is God. He’s been preparing me in a big way over the last couple of years. As of today, I still don’t know the full picture. He’s very carefully giving me a couple steps to see at a time. I’m only trying to be obedient. My flesh wants to see it all. I want to see the BIG, HUGE picture He has for me. It’s just not possible. I need to rest in His peace and know that I’m doing what He’s calling me to do.
Another reason is my family. My aunt and uncle live in Texas and I miss them terribly. I’d love to be closer. I also have another uncle in the DFW area and a couple of friends. The big clincher for me, though, was my mom. She and her husband decided to sell their home in IL and move south! If I position myself in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, I’ll be pretty close to in the middle of my two favorite women – my mom a few hours north and my aunt a couple hours south.
Another reason is little to no snow. Really. This winter about did me in. I’m over it. All of it. I’ve felt trapped more than ever, alone more than ever, and found myself making up for lost work days way too much. I’ve fought the winter emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I’m done. I’ll probably hate the summer once I’m there, but I think I hate the winter more.
I have a “drop date” set. What that means to me is that even if I haven’t been offered a job by the time that date rolls around, I’m going. It’s probably the biggest leap of faith I’ve ever taken. It’s risky, desperate, reckless faith in the reals. I’m holding on to God opening a job opportunity for me, but if He doesn’t, I know that I’m supposed to go anyway. Talk about being dependent on Him. Oi. And, my boy hasn’t yet decided what he wants to do. Granted, he’ll be 20 this year. He’s fully capable to take care of himself, but I’m his mom. I want him with me. He doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend. I get it. I really, completely, totally get it.
So, what I need from you, my friends, is prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. Prayer for my boy who will be looking for a place to stay and, once momma leaves, maybe a good, home-cooked meal from time to time. Or, momma’s secret prayer is that he just comes with me. Also, prayer for work. I’m gonna need it. I’ll be aggressively looking for work. I’m heading down, in May, for a work trip and I hope to find an apartment that will be available when I’m ready to go, for good, mid-summer. Finally, prayer for the trip itself. I’ve never moved myself across the country before. It’s a little scary to think about, but also so exciting!
Before I go, there are several things I need to take care of at home. First, I will be having foot surgery in early June. I would appreciate prayers for that to go smoothly. I’ll also be getting a full physical before I go. Many of you know the struggles I’ve had with my health over the last 9 years, and you also know that I’ve all but given up on the medical community to fix me. I’ve fixed myself pretty well, I’d say! While I still have some bad days here and there, it’s nothing like it used to be. Because of my uncertainty with most doctors I’ve been in contact with, I’ve stayed away from doctors for years and I really just need to have everything checked. There are also some things with the man-child that need to be lined up and taken care of before I go.
In all of it, I just want to hear God clearly. I want to know that the steps I’m taking are at His direction. My heart is His and I only want to be where He’s calling me to be. While I’ve spent the last 10 years maturing in my faith, learning to depend on Him, and trying so hard to be obedient, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a position to be so completely “hands in the air” open to what He’s doing. This life is not my own. I give it ALL in surrender.
This song has been in my heart lately, as it speaks volumes to me. I remember it carrying me when I felt homesick moving here from Michigan so many years ago. And here it is, still having an impact on my heart.