I can’t sleep. My brain doesn’t stop easily and tonight is no exception. When those things are combined, we get late night posts that I probably regret tomorrow.
And here we are…
Please understand… I am NOT looking for sympathy, pats on the backs accompanied by a “there, there” and, certainly, not pity. That isn’t what this post is about.. it’s my heart at 4 am with no sleep.
I am full of faith in a Mighty God and I trust His plan wholly! (even if I don’t understand it)
With that said, there was a question asked earlier today that prompted this thought that’s been drifting about in my head ever since… the question was something like – how have men disappointed you in past relationships or marriages? My answer – I’ve not been loved.
One might ask how someone becomes 41 and has not been loved. I’m sitting here wondering it myself. But the fact remains… I’ve not been loved.
I don’t understand the whispered “I love yous” or the sideways glance across the room. I’ve not felt the lazy draw of a man’s finger along my arm, leg, hand… I don’t know how I’d feel knowing a heart was worried about me as I drove home from work and wondering whether or not I’d be late. I haven’t been embraced by a man so deeply that my broken was put back together.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder if I will even know how to receive love if it comes my way.
I also imagine I can’t be the only one who is walking this road. Right? =|
Please know, I’m not sad. I am not hurt. I am not lacking love as I am deeply loved by 1) a God who has died and risen again to know me and love me and 2) by friends and family who cherish me right down to my bone marrow! ❤ =]
The most important thing I am is hopeful. I’m hopeful that God has something for me that is so much better than I could ever hope or imagine! Ephesians 3:20-21
(am I actually going to post this? I mean my heart’s desire is to be open in this space, right? – here goes nothin…) =]